I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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