Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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