That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
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I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
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He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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