Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
