I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
