No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
