Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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