I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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