my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
