i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
ok first of all what the fuck
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
