I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She announced her abortion via fbk
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
