Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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