no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
