I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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