our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
