I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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