I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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