i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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