I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
