He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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