You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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