erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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