The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
