I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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