Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it glows. i had to have it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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