EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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