ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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