You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
