So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
