You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
how drunk are you?
Several
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
