you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
