you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
