Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
