Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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