i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
