everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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