I could have mohawked her pubes.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
