We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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