I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
