i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
