sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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