I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Bring me that man meat
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
