I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He better not be in your backpack
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
