Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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