before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
