my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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