When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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