So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
