Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
