worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Found your dick twin last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
