I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos