My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!