Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.