Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.

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  (405): I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account. http://tfl.nu/7g5v
  Replies (21) Good night (1184) Bad night (545)
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  (530): View more from California

  Those balls look pretty dangerous.

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  (530): Those balls look pretty dangerous. http://tfl.nu/vdt4
  Replies (6) Good night (2860) Bad night (835)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on

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  (732): the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on http://tfl.nu/v7m7
  Replies (41) Good night (6736) Bad night (780)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.

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  (203): Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet. http://tfl.nu/z4ao
  Replies (24) Good night (7502) Bad night (1625)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.

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  (812): These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now. http://tfl.nu/s4lf
  Replies (7) Good night (999) Bad night (2664)
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  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

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  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
  Replies (41) Good night (13762) Bad night (1442)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.

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  (303): And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first. http://tfl.nu/c9e0
  Replies (11) Good night (757) Bad night (3365)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.

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  (715): I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk. http://tfl.nu/tfhs
  Replies (5) Good night (4615) Bad night (789)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork

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  (412): im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork http://tfl.nu/m3k8
  Replies (10) Good night (2638) Bad night (1229)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms

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  (508): I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms http://tfl.nu/pddu
  Replies (6) Good night (2905) Bad night (820)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.

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  (706): Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat. http://tfl.nu/kq42
  Replies (4) Good night (2324) Bad night (550)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?

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  (541): bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me? http://tfl.nu/wm16
  Replies (27) Good night (640) Bad night (2994)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro

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  (330): It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro http://tfl.nu/tuhp
  Replies (9) Good night (1536) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.

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  (727): I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age. http://tfl.nu/xhom
  Replies (1) Good night (432) Bad night (724)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece

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  (907): That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece http://tfl.nu/9o1k
  Replies (1) Good night (404) Bad night (258)

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