non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.