Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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