Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
