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I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Boobs speak an international language.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
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