i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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