maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
