walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hippo gnu deer
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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