but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
