Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
