We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
