so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
