I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Randomize
