Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm always down for nudity.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
