I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
