then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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