I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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