You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
