I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize