At least make sure they are 18
Why
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
