do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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