it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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