I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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