I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
