I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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