I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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