they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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