Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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