You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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