I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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