just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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