no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
