i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
