Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
