I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
