Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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