OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
