Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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