glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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